My Fortress of Solitude

Hi JR how are yah? Well I'm fine, i guess so. Lately things are not exactly what I wish for. Its like all the joy and happiness just vanished into thin air. Just like that. All that's left are  shallow empty little me. SAD!

Sometimes I wish, things are not that complicated. That is why I envy little kids running off, playing, laughing, because they don't have worries in life. HAKONAMATATA by the way. "It means no worries"

It all boils down  to the fact that, she made a great impact on me. I haven't been this happy  until she came into my life. I'm always alone. Loner, low self esteem, as in no social life at all. It's seems like pain has been my only friend. I'm really happy she came. I finally feel what is like to be happy. To be normal. Yes that's the word. NORMAL!

She don't have a clue, what it feels like to be next to her. It may sound funny or corny, but it feels like butterflies will burst through my stomach in every second that I was with her. I like being with her, and I wish I can be with her forever. But then it goes boom, failed gone, now you see me now you don't effect.

Do you know the first law of alchemy? Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy's first law of Equivalent Exchange. 

All things do come at a price, that there's an ebb and a flow, a cycle, that the pain we went through, did have a reward, and that anyone who's determined and perseveres, will get something of value in return, even if it's not what they expected. The pain I felt over the years did comes with a reward. And that is HER. Like a fairytale come true. Fairy God Mother came over and gave me a pair of shoes and a carriage made of squash.. oopppsss wrong page, I got confused on that part, wahahaha..

But this is something new in me. I'm not used to feel like this. I'm scared, really really scared. I'm scared that if I let myself be happy for one minute, the next thing i know is that my worlds going to come crashing down and I don't know if I'll be able to survive that... :[ 

sob sob sob :(